totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
