it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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