Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
