he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
