oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..