Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?