Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
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Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.