I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING