she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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