is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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