I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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