It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
