How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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