Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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