I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
