Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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