I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
