if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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