I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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