the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
