Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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