Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I smell stomach acid.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
