honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
