In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
