she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
