It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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