Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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