Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
