Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
