i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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