paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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