I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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