i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
