despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
