I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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