woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
