Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
