Your mouth is God's brothel.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
