That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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