I met the friendliest cop last night
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
