Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
