I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
