life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
