I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish you could order shots online.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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