Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
