I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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