Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
