you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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