i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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