She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
