You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
