I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
