How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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