I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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