I showed him my bush... on skype.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
