don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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