I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
