I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
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It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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