ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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