We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize