Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
